Actus Quartus. Scæna Prima.

Enter a Merchant, Goldsmith, and an Officer.

Mar.
You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I haue not much importun'd you,
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want Gilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or Ile attach you by this Officer.

Gold.
Euen iust the sum that I do owe to you,
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you,
He had of me a Chaine, at fiue a clocke
I shall receiue the money for the same:
Pleaseth you walke with me downe to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thanke you too.

Enter Antipholus Ephes.Dromio from the Courtizans.
Offi.

That labour may you saue: See where he comes.

Ant.
While I go to the Goldsmiths house, go thou

And buy a ropes end, that will I bestow
Among my wife, and their confederates,
For locking me out of my doores by day:
But soft I see the Goldsmith; get thee gone,
Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.

Dro.
I buy a thousand pound a yeare, I buy a rope. Exit Dromio

Eph.Ant.
A man is well holpe vp that trusts to you,
I promised your presence, and the Chaine,
But neither Chaine nor Goldsmith came to me:
Belike you thought our loue would last too long
If it were chain'd together: and therefore came not.

Gold.
Sauing your merrie humor: here's the note
How much your Chaine weighs to the vtmost charect,
The finenesse of the Gold, and chargefull fashion,
Which doth amount to three odde Duckets more
Then I stand debted to this Gentleman,
I pray you see him presently discharg'd,
For he is bound to Sea, and stayes but for it.

Anti.
I am not furnish'd with the present monie:
Besides I haue some businesse in the towne,
Good Signior take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the Chaine, and bid my wife
Disburse the summe, on the receit thereof,
Perchance I will be there as soone as you.

Gold.
Then you will bring the Chaine to her your selfe.

Anti.
No beare it with you, least I come not time enough.

Gold.
Well sir, I will? Haue you the Chaine about you?

Ant.
And if I haue not sir, I hope you haue:
Or else you may returne without your money.

Gold.
Nay come I pray you sir, giue me the Chaine:
Both winde and tide stayes for this Gentleman,
And I too blame haue held him heere too long.

Anti.
Good Lord, you vse this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine,
I should haue chid you for not bringing it,
But like a shrew you first begin to brawle.

Mar.
The houre steales on, I pray you sir dispatch.

Gold.
You heare how he importunes me, the Chaine.

Ant.
Why giue it to my wife, and fetch your mony.

Gold.
Come, come, you know I gaue it you euen now.
Either send the Chaine, or send me by some token.

Ant.
Fie, now you run this humor out of breath,
Come where's the Chaine, I pray you let me see it.

Mar.
My businesse cannot brooke this dalliance,
Good sir say, whe'r you'l answer me, or no:
If not, Ile leaue him to the Officer.

Ant.
I answer you? What should I answer you.

Gold.
The monie that you owe me for the Chaine.

Ant.
I owe you none, till I receiue the Chaine.

Gold.
You know I gaue it you halfe an houre since.

Ant.
You gaue me none, you wrong mee much to say so.

Gold.
You wrong me more sir in denying it.
Consider how it stands vpon my credit.

Mar.
Well Officer, arrest him at my suite.

Offi.
I do, and charge you in the Dukes name to obey me.

Gold.
This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this Officer.

Ant.
Consent to pay thee that I neuer had:
Arrest me foolish fellow if thou dar'st.

Gold.
Heere is thy fee, arrest him Officer.
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorne me so apparantly.

Offic.
I do arrest you sir, you heare the suite.

Ant.
I do obey thee, till I giue thee baile.
But sirrah, you shall buy this sport as deere,
As all the mettall in your shop will answer.

Gold.
Sir, sir, I shall haue Law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

Enter Dromio Sira. from the Bay.
Dro.

Master, there's a Barke of Epidamium,
That staies but till her Owner comes aboord,
And then sir she beares away. Our fraughtage sir,
I haue conuei'd aboord, and I haue bought
The Oyle, the Balsamum, and Aqua-vitæ.
The ship is in her trim, the merrie winde
Blowes faire from land: they stay for nought at all,
But for their Owner, Master, and your selfe.

An.
How now? a Madman? Why thou peeuish sheep
What ship of Epidamium staies for me.

S.Dro.
A ship you sent me too, to hier waftage.

Ant.
Thou drunken slaue, I sent thee for a rope,
And told thee to what purpose, and what end.

S.Dro.
You sent me for a ropes end as soone,
You sent me to the Bay sir, for a Barke.

Ant.
I will debate this matter at more leisure
And teach your eares to list me with more heede:
To Adriana Villaine hie thee straight:
Giue her this key, and tell her in the Deske
That's couer'd o're with Turkish Tapistrie,
There is a purse of Duckets, let her send it:
Tell her, I am arrested in the streete,
And that shall baile me: hie thee slaue, be gone,
On Officer to prison, till it come. Exeunt

S.Dromio.
To Adriana, that is where we din'd,
Where Dowsabell did claime me for her husband,
She is too bigge I hope for me to compasse,
Thither I must, although against my will:
For seruants must their Masters mindes fulfill. Exit

Enter Adriana and Luciana.
Adr.

Ah Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Might'st thou perceiue austeerely in his eie,
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no:
Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What obseruation mad'st thou in this case?
Oh, his hearts Meteors tilting in his face.

Luc.
First he deni'de you had in him no right.

Adr.
He meant he did me none: the more my spight

Luc.
Then swore he that he was a stranger heere.

Adr.
And true he swore, though yet forsworne hee were.

Luc.
Then pleaded I for you.

Adr.
And what said he?

Luc.
That loue I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me.

Adr.
With what perswasion did he tempt thy loue?

Luc.
With words, that in an honest suit might moue.
First, he did praise my beautie, then my speech.

Adr.
Did'st speake him faire?

Luc.
Haue patience I beseech.

Adr.
I cannot, nor I will not hold me still.
My tongue, though not my heart, shall haue his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac'd, worse bodied, shapelesse euery where:
Vicious, vngentle, foolish, blunt, vnkinde,

Stigmaticall in making worse in minde.

Luc.
Who would be iealous then of such a one?
No euill lost is wail'd, when it is gone.

Adr.
Ah but I thinke him better then I say:
And yet would herein others eies were worse:
Farre from her nest the Lapwing cries away;
My heart praies for him, though my tongue doe curse.

Enter S.Dromio.
Dro.

Here goe: the deske, the purse, sweet now make haste.

Luc.
How hast thou lost thy breath?

S.Dro.
By running fast.

Adr.
Where is thy Master Dromio? Is he well?

S.Dro.
No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse then hell:
A diuell in an euerlasting garment hath him;
On whose hard heart is button'd vp with steele:
A Feind, a Fairie, pittilesse and ruffe:
A Wolfe, nay worse, a fellow all in buffe:
A back friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermads
The passages of allies, creekes, and narrow lands:
A hound that runs Counter, and yet draws drifoot well,
One that before the Iudgment carries poore soules to hel.

Adr.
Why man, what is the matter?

S.Dro.
I doe not know the matter, hee is rested on the case.

Adr.
What is he arrested? tell me at whose suite?

S.Dro.
I know not at whose suite he is arested well; but is in a suite of buffe which rested him, that can I tell, will you send him Mistris redemption, the monie in his deske.

Adr.
Go fetch it Sister: this I wonder at. Exit Luciana.
Thus he vnknowne to me should be in debt:
Tell me, was he arested on a band?

S.Dro.
Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:
A chaine, a chaine, doe you not here it ring.

Adria.
What, the chaine?

S.Dro.
No, no, the bell, 'tis time that I were gone:
It was two ere I left him, and now the clocke strikes one.

Adr.
The houres come backe, that did I neuer here.

S.Dro.
Oh yes, if any houre meete a Serieant, a turnes backe for verie feare.

Adri.
As if time were in debt: how fondly do'st thou reason?

S.Dro.
Time is a verie bankerout, and owes more then he's worth to season.
Nay, he's a theefe too: haue you not heard men say,
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
If I be in debt and theft, and a Serieant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turne backe an houre in a day?

Enter Luciana.
Adr.

Go Dromio, there's the monie, beare it straight,
And bring thy Master home imediately.
Come sister, I am prest downe with conceit:
Conceit, my comfort and my iniurie. Exit.

Enter Antipholus Siracusia.
There's not a man I meete but doth salute me

As if I were their well acquainted friend,
And euerie one doth call me by my name:
Some tender monie to me, some inuite me;
Some other giue me thankes for kindnesses;
Some offer me Commodities to buy.
Euen now a tailor cal'd me in his shop,
And show'd me Silkes that he had bought for me,
And therewithall tooke measure of my body.
Sure these are but imaginarie wiles,
And lapland Sorcerers inhabite here.

Enter Dromio. Sir.
S.Dro.

Master, here's the gold you sent me for: what haue you got the picture of old Adam new apparel'd?

Ant.
What gold is this? What Adam do'st thou meane?

S.Dro.
Not that Adam that kept the Paradise: but that Adam that keepes the prison; hee that goes in the calues-skin, that was kil'd for the Prodigall: hee that came behinde you sir, like an euill angel, and bid you forsake your libertie.

Ant.
I vnderstand thee not.

S.Dro.
No? why 'tis a plaine case: he that went like a Base-Viole in a case of leather; the man sir, that when gentlemen are tired giues them a sob, and rests them: he sir, that takes pittie on decaied men, and giues them suites of durance: he that sets vp his rest to doe more exploits with his Mace, then a Moris Pike.

Ant.
What thou mean'st an officer?

S.Dro.
I sir, the Serieant of the Band: he that brings any man to answer it that breakes his Band: one that thinkes a man alwaies going to bed, and saies, God giue you good rest.

Ant.
Well sir, there rest in your foolerie:
Is there any ships puts forth to night? may we be gone?

S.Dro.
Why sir, I brought you word an houre since, that the Barke Expedition put forth to night, and then were you hindred by the Serieant to tarry for the Hoy Delay: Here are the angels that you sent for to deliuer you.

Ant.
The fellow is distract, and so am I,
And here we wander in illusions:
Some blessed power deliuer vs from hence.

Enter a Curtizan.
Cur.

Well met, well met, Master Antipholus:
I see sir you haue found the Gold-smith now:
Is that the chaine you promis'd me to day.

Ant.
Sathan auoide, I charge thee tempt me not.

S.Dro.
Master, is this Mistris Sathan?

Ant.
It is the diuell.

S.Dro.
Nay, she is worse, she is the diuels dam: And here she comes in the habit of a light wench, and thereof comes, that the wenches say God dam me, That's as much to say, God make me a light wench: It is written, they appeare to men like angels of light, light is an effect of fire, and fire will burne: ergo, light wenches will burne, come not neere her.

Cur.
Your man and you are maruailous merrie sir.
Will you goe with me, wee'll mend our dinner here?

S.Dro.
Master, if do expect spoon-meate, or bespeake a long spoone.

Ant.
Why Dromio?

S.Dro.
Marrie he must haue a long spoone that must eate with the diuell.

Ant.
Auoid then fiend, what tel'st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all a sorceresse:
I coniure thee to leaue me, and be gon.

Cur.
Giue me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or for my Diamond the Chaine you promis'd,
And Ile be gone sir, and not trouble you.

S.Dro. Some diuels aske but the parings of ones naile,

a rush, a haire, a drop of blood, a pin, a nut, a cherrie-stone: but she more couetous, wold haue a chaine: Master be wise, and if you giue it her, the diuell will shake her Chaine, and fright vs with it.

Cur.
I pray you sir my Ring, or else the Chaine,
I hope you do not meane to cheate me so?

Ant.
Auant thou witch: Come Dromio let vs go.

S.Dro.
Flie pride saies the Pea-cocke, Mistris that you know. Exit.

Cur.
Now out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
Else would he neuer so demeane himselfe,
A Ring he hath of mine worth fortie Duckets,
And for the same he promis'd me a Chaine,
Both one and other he denies me now:
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
Is a mad tale he told to day at dinner,
Of his owne doores being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doores against his way:
My way is now to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife, that being Lunaticke,
He rush'd into my house, and tooke perforce
My Ring away. This course I fittest choose,
For fortie Duckets is too much to loose.

Enter Antipholus Ephes. with a Iailor.

An.
Feare me not man, I will not breake away,
Ile giue thee ere I leaue thee so much money
To warrant thee as I am rested for.
My wife is in a wayward moode to day,
And will not lightly trust the Messenger,
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
I tell you 'twill sound harshly in her eares.

Enter Dromio Eph. with a ropes end.
Heere comes my Man, I thinke he brings the monie.

How now sir? Haue you that I sent you for?

E.Dro.
Here's that I warrant you will pay them all.

Anti.
But where's the Money?

E.Dro.
Why sir, I gaue the Monie for the Rope.

Ant.
Fiue hundred Duckets villaine for a rope?

E.Dro.
Ile serue you sir fiue hundred at the rate.

Ant.
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

E.Dro.
To a ropes end sir, and to that end am I re-turn'd.

Ant.
And to that end sir, I will welcome you.

Offi.
Good sir be patient.

E.Dro.
Nay 'tis for me to be patient, I am in aduersitie.

Offi.
Good now hold thy tongue.

E.Dro.
Nay, rather perswade him to hold his hands.

Anti.
Thou whoreson senselesse Villaine.

E.Dro.
I would I were senselesse sir, that I might not feele your blowes.

Anti.
Thou art sensible in nothing but blowes, and so is an Asse.

E.Dro.
I am an Asse indeede, you may prooue it by my long eares. I haue serued him from the houre of my Natiuitie to this instant, and haue nothing at his hands for my seruice but blowes. When I am cold, he heates me with beating: when I am warme, he cooles me with beating: I am wak'd with it when I sleepe, rais'd with it when I sit, driuen out of doores with it when I goe from home, welcom'd home with it when I returne, nay I beare it on my shoulders, as a begger woont her brat: and I thinke when he hath lam'd me, I shall begge with it from doore to doore.

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtizan, and a Schoolemaster, call'd Pinch.

Ant.
Come goe along, my wife is comming yonder.

E.Dro.
Mistris respice finem, respect your end, or rather the prophesie like the Parrat, beware the ropes end.

Anti.
Wilt thou still talke? Beats Dro.

Curt.
How say you now? Is not your husband mad?

Adri.
His inciuility confirmes no lesse:
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a Coniurer,
Establish him in his true sence againe,
And I will please you what you will demand.

Luc.
Alas how fiery, and how sharpe he lookes.

Cur.
Marke, how he trembles in his extasie.

Pinch.
Giue me your hand, and let mee feele your pulse.

Ant.
There is my hand, and let it feele your eare.

Pinch.
I charge thee Sathan, hous'd within this man,
To yeeld possession to my holie praiers,
And to thy state of darknesse hie thee straight,
I coniure thee by all the Saints in heauen.

Anti.
Peace doting wizard, peace; I am not mad.

Adr.
Oh that thou wer't not, poore distressed soule.

Anti.
You Minion you, are these your Customers?
Did this Companion with the saffron face
Reuell and feast it at my house to day,
Whil'st vpon me the guiltie doores were shut,
And I denied to enter in my house.

Adr.
O husband, God doth know you din'd at home
Where would you had remain'd vntill this time,
Free from these slanders, and this open shame.

Anti.
Din'd at home? Thou Villaine, what sayest thou?

Dro.
Sir sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

Ant.
Were not my doores lockt vp, and I shut out?

Dro.
Perdie, your doores were lockt, and you shut out.

Anti.
And did not she her selfe reuile me there?

Dro.
Sans Fable, she her selfe reuil'd you there.

Anti.
Did not her Kitchen maide raile, taunt, and scorne me?

Dro.
Certis she did, the kitchin vestall scorn'd you.

Ant.
And did not I in rage depart from thence?

Dro.
In veritie you did, my bones beares witnesse,
That since haue felt the vigor of his rage.

Adr.
Is't good to sooth him in these contraries?

Pinch.
It is no shame, the fellow finds his vaine,
And yeelding to him, humors well his frensie.

Ant.
Thou hast subborn'd the Goldsmith to arrest mee.

Adr.
Alas, I sent you Monie to redeeme you,
By Dromio heere, who came in hast for it.

Dro.
Monie by me? Heart and good will you might,
But surely Master not a ragge of Monie.

Ant.
Wentst not thou to her for a purse of Duckets.

Adri.
He came to me, and I deliuer'd it.

Luci.
And I am witnesse with her that she did:

Dro.
God and the Rope-maker beare me witnesse,
That I was sent for nothing but a rope.

Pinch.
Mistris, both Man and Master is possest,
I know it by their pale and deadly lookes,

They must be bound and laide in some darke roome.

Ant.
Say wherefore didst thou locke me forth to day,
And why dost thou denie the bagge of gold?

Adr.
I did not gentle husband locke thee forth.

Dro.
And gentle Mr I receiu'd no gold:
But I confesse sir, that we were lock'd out.

Adr.
Dissembling Villain, thou speak'st false in both

Ant.
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damned packe,
To make a loathsome abiect scorne of me:
But with these nailes, Ile plucke out these false eyes,
That would behold in me this shamefull sport.

Enter three or foure, and offer to binde him: Hee striues.
Adr.

Oh binde him, binde him, let him not come neere me.

Pinch.
More company, the fiend is strong within him

Luc.
Aye me poore man, how pale and wan he looks.

Ant.
What will you murther me, thou Iailor thou?
I am thy prisoner, wilt thou suffer them to make a rescue?

Offi.
Masters let him go: he is my prisoner, and you shall not haue him.

Pinch.
Go binde this man, for he is franticke too.

Adr.
What wilt thou do, thou peeuish Officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himselfe?

Offi.
He is my prisoner, if I let him go,
The debt he owes will be requir'd of me.

Adr.
I will discharge thee ere I go from thee,
Beare me forthwith vnto his Creditor,
And knowing how the debt growes I will pay it.
Good Master Doctor see him safe conuey'd
Home to my house, oh most vnhappy day.

Ant.
Oh most vnhappie strumpet.

Dro.
Master, I am heere entred in bond for you.

Ant.
Out on thee Villaine, wherefore dost thou mad mee?

Dro.
Will you be bound for nothing, be mad good Master, cry the diuell.

Luc.
God helpe poore soules, how idlely doe they talke.

Adr.
Go beare him hence, sister go you with me:
Say now, whose suite is he arrested at? Exeunt. Manet Offic. Adri. Luci. Courtizan

Off.
One Angelo a Goldsmith, do you know him?

Adr.
I know the man: what is the summe he owes?

Off.
Two hundred Duckets.

Adr.
Say, how growes it due.

Off.
Due for a Chaine your husband had of him.

Adr.
He did bespeake a Chain for me, but had it not.

Cur.
When as your husband all in rage to day
Came to my house, and tooke away my Ring,
The Ring I saw vpon his finger now,
Straight after did I meete him with a Chaine.

Adr.
It may be so, but I did neuer see it.
Come Iailor, bring me where the Goldsmith is,
I long to know the truth heereof at large.

Enter Antipholus Siracusia with his Rapier drawne, and Dromio Sirac.

Luc.
God for thy mercy, they are loose againe.

Adr.
And come with naked swords,
Let's call more helpe to haue them bound againe. Runne all out.

Off.
Away, they'l kill vs. Exeunt omnes, as fast as may be, frighted.

S.Ant.
I see these Witches are affraid of swords.

S.Dro.
She that would be your wife, now ran from you.

Ant.
Come to the Centaur, fetch our stuffe from thence:
I long that we were safe and sound aboord.

Dro.
Faith stay heere this night, they will surely do vs no harme: you saw they speake vs faire, giue vs gold: me thinkes they are such a gentle Nation, that but for the Mountaine of mad flesh that claimes mariage of me, I could finde in my heart to stay heere still, and turne Witch.

Ant.
I will not stay to night for all the Towne,
Therefore away, to get our stuffe aboord. Exeunt